As I really take the moment to look back over my journey in that last 7 years I can’t help but to get teary eyed. Not because it was hard, not because I got depressed, not even because of the good times, but because God was in the mist of it all. As I think back to every moment I can NOW see how God was just staying steady to His word and His Will. Even when I begged for my will to be done He kept pressing forward with His plans because in the end He knew what was best.
2003- I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Claflin University!! One of my happy moments. Got my BS in Biology with a minor in Chemistry in 4 years ( I had no idea I could ride that thing out for longer LOL. I thought yu HAD to finish in 4 years. I would have enjoyed NO BILLS for another couple years…not). Even though I was beaming with my brand new car (courtesy of the parentals) I had no idea where God was about to take me. A few days before I was curled up in my dorm room crying because after applying to med school I got all rejections and some didnt even reply. I was so down and trying to smile and be happy for my friends who had jobs or were going to dental/med/pharmacy school. I literally was preparing to go home and be sad…but God. Out of the blue Ohio University called me as said “hey…we want you to come to summer scholars med program. If you do well we will put you in med school next year”. I to this DAY have no idea how these people got my number :-|…but God. 2003 was starting to look up :-)
2004- Well Ohio University was a hard lesson in quarters instead of semesters. Within the first 2 weeks I was hitting MID TERMS!!! I was so overwhelmed and LOST!! Not to mention ALONE 7 hours away from my family. That first quarter was a BUST! I got to the airport for Christmas break not even wanting to come back….but God. Out of no where this man appeared to help me with my bags and just started ministering to my spirit. OUT OF NO WHERE. Just told me to keep pushing and he knew that it was hard but I was going to be ok. I still get chills thinking about it. I believe that he was an angel. How did he know so much about my situation. I got on that plane and wrote out a plan to bust my butt to get into med school…all i needed was a 3.0…i graduated top of my class so this was easy. I came back in January with a MISSION. I finished the last quarters with a 3.8 and 3.9…and you know what…missed med school by 0.02 points!!! Sooooooooo close. I was DEVASTATED!! Cried for days…weeks…months. I lost weight (got down to 125 pounds :-|) and lost hope…and faith. I got angry with God…fuming!! How dare you bring me so close just to enjoy me fail. That’s how I felt…like I was God’s muse and he just wanted to laugh at me. And the angrier I got the tighter He held on. I was spiralling head first into depression. But He didn’t let go…couldn’t let go. I learned so much about myself in 2004…and even more about God. This was a hard year and most don’t even know the struggles I had…it was one point I didn’t even have money to pay bills…but I wasn’t going to move back home. Home=Failure and it wasn’t going to happen. I kept pushing and kept leaning on God. The more I leaned on Him the stronger I got. Every month I was paying bills…and for the first few months I don’t know how…but every now and then my parents would send me “Just cause” money. Little did they know that “Just cause” money kept me from being hungry many days. Let me tell you…that $4 bag of chicken from Walmart goes a LONG WAY LOL. Also one of my LSs was in OH with me at the time…my NONI. We were already tight but during these times we became true blood sisters. I thank God for sending her to minister to me. It was many days I just laid in my bed and cried and she let me. But finally one day she was like “Pity party over…what we gonna do?!?!?”. So I picked my little self up and slowly started moving. Everyday we had a date at McDonalds and we would eat $1 Fries…that’s all I could afford but it was GOOD.
God even blessed me with a housemate that paid the bills until I got a job…and she allowed me to pay what I could until she was completely paid back…how many people do you know what do that. I love Marissa with all my heart for that. We had some good times in Athens, OH. Oh 2004…hard year…but God.
2005-Times were getting better!! Had a great job and money finally. I was doing alright. Me and God were cool again and life was getting good. Got comfy at my little job…made all kinds of records there. Best seller in the local region, then state regions, and then top 10 in the country!!! Girl was flying HIGH. Med School? I’ll do that later…I’m good. Then Ohio University started to make sense to me. Because I couldn’t understand why God allowed so much hurt when I was there…professionally and personally. A friend I met in the OU Summer Scholar’s Program, Derric Whiteside, called me out the blue to ask about med school. He was now at this new school VCOM (After deciding not to go to OU-COM) and he wanted me there too. He was like my big brother…and trainer. (I’ll never forget the day he took my fatty food plate from me and wouldn’t let me eat it…he didn’t even know me like that. And I SERIOUSLY cried LOL) I told him…NO..I’m good. He was like “No…you applying” LOL. so after fighting and then agreeing to apply I hung up, knowing I wasn’t going to. And he called back…again…and again…and again. So FINE!! I APPLIED…not gonna get in away. Then I had to do ACCOMAS (Master app for med school) and I missed the deadline…so that was my way out ha ha ha Derric…I win. Don’t you know Megan Price from VCOM got them to extend the deadline for me…so i could apply!!!…but God. Then…they gave me an interview…really God? You tripping because I’m just here for you to laugh at right? Eh…I aint gonna get in anyway. So I drove there…interviewed…and loved it. The best interviews ever. They didn’t concentrate on my horrid MCAT scores…they concentrated on me. One person even talked to me about….God. Eh…they not gonna let me in so I’m good. But thanks God for the trip…it was fun and Blacksburg is pretty. Within a few months I got an email. “Sorry but our class is filled so you’re on the waiting list”. No sadness there…just a big “I knew it…back to my fun money making job!!”. Well few days after that we got called into the cafe for a big announcement. I jokingly said “What…they gonna fire us at the sametime? ha ha”. Two seconds later “The plant is closing and yall will be out of a job in a few months. We’re sorry…have a nice day”. :-| God was like “Girl you was too comfy…this is not your final place. You will NOT be an inbounds call center girl”. Ok God then DO SOMETHING!! I’ll be a teacher. He said…nope…you’ll be a doctor. *shrug* Your call God. Next day get a call from Derric…”he was like good and bad news for you. Bad news is VCOM didn’t give me a full scholarship for recruiting…good news is…you start med school next year!!” WHAT GOD!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!! At this point I was screaming and shaking…how did this happen?!?!?!?!!? Me…med school?!?!? Did you see my MCAT lol. I was on cloud nine at this point. I just need to figure out life for one year then I would start next fall. But God was like…hmmmm nope this year. Few weeks later Megan Price emailed me and says “You’re now in teh Class of 2009!!” *FAINT* You’ve got to be kidding me…WHAT GOD. So i had to move from OH to VA in 2 weeks. And I made it happen…but God.
I started school overwhelmed…scared and unworthy…but i was THERE!! Woot Woot…life is great. Virginia Tech was awesome!! Football games were magical. How did I get in med school at Virginia Tech?!? But God. Then one day in time with God He said “Remember you prayed to go to a white school…because the school spirit at PWIs is CRAZY!!!! So here you go”. Man God answered that one LOL…I had too much fun with VT’s school spirit. Face painting, shirtless screaming…AWESOME.
2006-Life was still grand. It was a little hard but I was surviving the game!! Funtimes. And I had my bestie AFE!!! OMG…I love this chick soooooooooooo much!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE HER We even got big and drive to Miami for 10 days…talk about fun fun fun!! It was amazing and we have pictures to prove it. Also this was the year I met my now hubby…2006 was a great year. I did have a hiccup with one block and got put on probation but I pulled through that and kept it moving. Good year
2007-Ending of 2nd year!! I can now concentrate on boards…I was ready. Read all the books…watched all teh videos…did all the questions and….FAILED!! Heartbreak is putting it lightly. I was so shocked…I cried and then just picked myself up. Been depressed before and wasn’t trying to feel it again. Just concentrated on rotations…which were GREAT…and studying to retake it. So in December I was ready to blow this thing out the water…tired of studying and rotating…it was getting old. So I took it…and in 2 weeks…got the FAILED notice!! Are these people serious?!?!?!? They must have the wrong chick. Welp safe to say I sunk into slight depression…had to go to my prayer closet and really see what God was trying to pull out of me. I mean I got an entire month off to study for this thing…really spent more time studying the word of God honestly. I learned alot about God that month and really found joy in just reading the word. I think that’s why it hurt so when I failed. But had to pick myself up…lean on God and see just where he was going with these fails.
2008-Started off cool enough. Just got off a FAIL on boards and was just ready to forget it all and concentrate on school, retaking and this wedding I had coming up in November. Went to Front Royal, Va and made friends with Lynda…we had so much fun together. I even went with her to pick out her wedding dress. What was suppose to be one of the happiest days of her life quickly became the WORST DAY of mine. At 11am I received the call that my brother was killed in an accident. I literally felt my heart and soul being ripped to pieces. I didn’t even know how to respond…do I scream? faint? Cry? What do you do? Well I just was in shock and waiting for it to be a late April’s Fool Joke…it was April 4th so I just knew my brother’s friend was kidding. That was until I called my mom’s office…and in the background I heard her screaming. The same scream I had on the inside…to this day the memory of that scream gives me chills…something I NEVER want to hear again. I lost one of my best friends…how was I suppose to go on? I just wanted to die….but God. He saved me…gave me peace…but didn’t erase the anger I had. How could a kid that never did anything wrong, was doing great in college, just great person die in an accident? But God spared drug dealers…murderers…molesters…etc. Why my brother? I couldn’t understand and because of that I was angry. Thought I was hiding it pretty well until a resident asked to take me out for dinner. I thought it was weird but she was really nice so I went. The first thing she said was…”What’s wrong…something’s wrong with you. God knows what you want to say so just say it”. And in that Mexican resturant I let it out…all my anger and hurt…i lost my best friend. Someone that I loved with all my heart and I didn’t know why. And on top of that…i failed boards AGAIN…weeks after the death (never should have taken that exam). I was beyond hurt and thought God was just hurting me because. she told me that God already knew it and just wanted me to say it and stop faking like I was ok. I went back to my room that night and cried out the God…and it was like we had a conversation…and from that moment on the hurt and pain went away. The saddness of his death is still with me but the pain and anger just went away. God just wanted me to talk to Him because I just stopped…I was too angry. And in all that God kept me…because he loved me. What a mighty God we serve.
Later that week I married the love of my life…and life is good.
2009-So I was ready to conquer this test. Depression was slightly there and I had to get over this hump. I prayed that God would deliever me from it for once and for all and he answered…”You have to go away”. So I was sent to IL to study for boards. 13 hours away from EVERYONE…but God said I had to separate in order to learn what he wanted me to know. So I studied for 12 weeks but also built my relationship with God. It was great!!! Eye opening. Just a supernatural experience with God everyday. And another thing he taught me…you’re NOT a dummy. I let this test define me…had me feeling all types a ways about myself. God beat all the negativity out of me in 12 weeks. It was a harsh beating…but needed :-) After those 12 weeks with God…I PASSED!!! Went in the test with all confidence and killed it…but God. Missed what I thought was my graduation that year and I was super sad about it…but God had a plan. Studied for Step 2…killed it first try. Took the PE for Step 2…PASSED. It was like as soon as I really realized what God wanted me to do everythingw as a breeze. the lesson was simple…TRUST ME!! I put my trust in people, books, other’s faith…but not all in God. I knew that he could do it…just had a problem accepting that he WOULD do it. But after I stop stressing and totally trusting God things just *exhale* got easier.
Also this year I saw and touched…BEYONCE!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!! Woot Woot!!!!!!!!!!!
After the exams…I had to apply for residency. I already knew that was a bust becaues I had no interviews…because I didn’t apply :-| I was sad and discouraged but had to stay in the word. God just told me to trust him and do the basics…he had the rest. So I did my ERAS and waited…and chilled…and watched TV…and updated FB…and became addicted to TWITTER. LOL I was a pseudo-housewife. Life was good. I was stressed and worried…and sometimes sad…but life was good.
2010-Ok…it’s time for match and I knew i wasn’t going to get a spot…so I was preparing for the scramble. Ummmmm worst days of my life!! Both were stressful and I cried. Even got an interview and after waiting for 8 weeks I found out I didn’t get the spot. Devestation!! What was I going to do? I didn’t come to med school to not be a doctor. I came to be an OB-GYN!!! And no I don’t want to do IM or FM…not for me. I don’t care how hard it was to get an OB spot…I was going to get one…how I don’t know. Welp I finally sent my application to the one place I didnt wanna…Danville, Va. I just figured that I would get a transitional year out the way and figure out OB later. Well I got a spot!!! And I was actually happy about it. So much so that I turned down an interview for a prelim-OB. :-o That was crazy…but I prayed about it and God said…”I got you…decline”. So I did. With no regrets. ***MOre news on Danville to come later after I get final details*** So I had a job!! Woot Woot!!
Even met one of the greatest sorors and I’m sure me and her will have a growing and lasting friendship. She’s totally GREAT in my books.
Next up…graduation. Then it hit me…my brother would have graduated this year. So I would walk across the stage for him…not for me…but for him. And that’s why I believe my 2009 graduation fell through…I was to walk for/with my brother. :-) So on that day…2 days ago. I pick up all my strength, pride, joy, sadness, love, admiration…and ENJOYED my graduation WITH my brother. The person that was suppose to sit beside me didn’t even show up…so my brother had his own chair!! It was like this moment was meant to be. We started and finished together :-) So when my name was called for the first time as DOCTOR I walked across the stage with a picture of my brother…so proud and so overwhelmed…WE DID IT. And the journey is OVER.
I write this note to encourage someone. Things will never go how we planned but ALWAYS how God wants it. This journey has been hard but I wouldn’t change it. Well I lie…I would trade it all for my brother, but I know that even that has a purpose. And one day I’ll understand it…today I just pray for strength to continue to live with it.
I’m NOT embarrassed that I FAILED boards…because my testimony is someone’s breakthrough. That was just a man made test…as long as I pass God’s test I’m cool. I’m NOT embarrassed that I didn’t graduate with my class…because I graduated with my brother.
Even though many times I didn’t like my journey deep down I LOVE it. I love the places that it has taken me and the places I will go. I know that I’ll be great and this story will be a testimony to just what God can do. People will look at me and say…there’s no way she’s where she’s at after going through that journey. But I’m proof that God can do anything! I wasn’t suppose to even get into medical school and here I am a graduate. I’ve seen people struggle just like i did and get kicked out of school…but God. God has had my back from day one and continues to show up and show out!! I’m just excited about this residency journey.
I just hope someone can read this and have hope. No matter what situation you are in right now it’s not bigger than God. He will bring you through it…and if He removes something it’s just to replace it with something better. Believe that. If you are reading this right now just know that God has a plan for your situation and even though you have no idea how it’s going to work out just know that it will work out. Stop stressing yourself about it. It’s nothing you can do…it’s all up to God.